


Of Friends and Wars and Wanting to Change the World

by Avee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (I'm pretty sure), Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Marauders' Era, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), not really about the romantic relationships, they're more background mentioned--especially the Jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 22:14:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8595859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avee/pseuds/Avee
Summary: The war is building outside Hogwarts, and it stains every aspect of the students lives. Marlene wants to fix the world, and she spends her school years building the relationships that make it worth fighting until the end.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoy! Comments are always appreciated! :)

Marlene McKinnon dyes her hair. Her mother sends her the home-dye kits from the Muggle stores, and instead of dyeing it alone in one of the bathrooms in Ravenclaw Tower, Lily Evans takes her to the prefects' bathroom starting partway through fifth year, and they sit and talk while Marlene changes her hair from its natural dark brown to a light blonde, throwing in a little magic as she works to help protect her hair from damage.

"You could look just like Farrah Fawcett," Lily tells her one day, "if you curled your hair."

"I could," Marlene agrees as she rinses the chemicals from her hair. "But I like my hair falling in long straight lines, like I couldn't be bothered to do anything with it."

"Because you can't be bothered to do anything with it?"

"Exactly."

They share harmless gossip from their Houses in that bathroom, and stories of home, and talk about their homework if one of them is having trouble.

"My roommates have stopped fighting," Marlene says as she works the chemicals through her hair, hands in  plastic gloves that are far too wide, but a bit short in the fingers.

"That must be a relief."

"It is. I'm not convinced it will last."

Two of Marlene's roommates have fought off and on nearly from day one, and sometimes this leads to funny stories for Marlene to share with Lily, and sometimes this leads to Marlene losing sleep due to the yelling, and her things getting caught in the revenge-prank crossfire.

 

"I fancy Sirius Black," Marlene says one day part way through sixth year.

"What?" Lily nearly screams. Marlene has caught her in the process of sitting on the edge of one of the bathtubs near the sink where Marlene stands, and Lily loses her balance and nearly falls to the floor as she snaps her head around to look at her. "You fancy _who?_ "

"Sirius Black."

"But he's an ass. You know…but he's an ass!"

"A very pretty one. With a nice smile."

"He doesn't smile. He smirks."

"With a nice smirk." Marlene smiles at Lily through the mirror, and Lily continues to shake her head.

"Is he dating anyone?" Lily finally says.

"Not that I'm aware of."

"And do you plan on changing that?"

Marlene snorts. "Not likely."

Lily nods slowly. "He does seem a bit preoccupied with his stupid pranks and rebelling against his family to pay attention to relationships."

Marlene laughs. "I really did not think it would be this big of a deal."

 

Marlene McKinnon likes her solitude. While she spends much of her time out of classes with Lily and a few other friends, she likes to take her knitting, or a book, or simply her thoughts and sit in lonely places in the grounds or in alcoved windowsills in deserted hallways, or at tables so far back in the library that everyone except Madam Pince has forgotten they exist. Sometimes she goes to think and process the world around her, and sometimes she goes to forget all that is happening, but whatever her reason, Marlene McKinnon likes her solitude and spends at least some time every day tucked away in some lost corner of the school.

Voldemort is gaining power, and the world is not looking good. Marlene's parents quietly support those fighting him, lending them money and safe houses while they work in fairly menial jobs at the Ministry. Marlene's older sister, Shannon, eight years her senior, actively fights against Voldemort and his followers, and writes Marlene whenever she can to let her know she is safe, or at the very least alive, and Marlene worries for all of them everyday.

 

"My sister got engaged," Lily says another day, nearly as soon as Marlene starts putting the dye in her hair.

"To that Vernon guy, right?"

"The one I still haven't actually met. Yeah. My mother says he's a bit of a prat."

"Is she happy?" Marlene says after a pause, glancing at Lily through the mirror as she works the dye through her roots.

"My mother says she is."

Marlene knows how much Lily wants to talk about a thing based on when she mentions it. If it comes while Marlene is still putting the dye on her hair, then she doesn't really want to linger, not just then. If she does she'll wait until Marlene has finished, until the color is processing and they have nothing to do but sit and wait for thirty minutes until Marlene has to wash her hair. Marlene follows the same code. It makes things easier that way.

"I think I might fancy James Potter," Lily says while they wait for the hair dye to finish processing one day in early October of their seventh year.

"I know you do," Marlene says. "You have for years."

"Years is a bit long."

"No it's not.  That's why he's always infuriated you. You can see that he loyal and caring, if not always kind, and that he could be so much more if he wasn't always strutting around like an arrogant asshat. Which he has been doing progressively less of over the past, what…year? So it makes sense that you'd finally admit that you find him charming as well." Marlene gives Lily a giant smile, and Lily sighs and shrugs.

"He doesn't ask me out anymore."

"Wait, I thought he'd only asked you twice?"

"Three times. Beginning and end of fifth year. Partway through sixth. Do you know who he fancies?"

"You. Definitely still you."

They both jump as the alarm clock Lily conjured goes off, and Marlene gets to her feet to kneel next to the bath and rinse her hair.

 

Marlene takes the problems of the world, and she wants to fix them. And she has no idea how. She is in her seventh year and her Hogwarts career is drawing to a close, and she looks at what she will do with her life, and she has no plan. There is too much in flux, there are too many variables. And when she thinks about it too much, it's like a hand grabs the place where her lungs come together and squeezes until she is amazed she can draw any breath, and uncertain whether she really is, and all she can see is that darkness of the world. And then she grabs her knitting, or a book, and finds a deserted corridor where she can sit in one of the alcoves that hold the windows overlooking the grounds and see nothing but the wind ruffling the tops of the trees, or she goes and sits in the trees themselves, on the banks of the lake, and listens to the lapping of the water and the small forest noises, and tries to forget everything except nature, and solitude, and peace.

She must look particularly forlorn one day, because when Lily asks her how she is over breakfast, her friend clearly doesn't mean it on the light greeting level, but is really asking Are You Okay?

"The world is broken," Marlene says, "and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not convinced it can be fixed." _I'm broken_ , she almost adds, and the hand grips that place in the center of her chest. She gets up and slips away through a group of Gryffindors so that Lily cannot follow her, because right now she wants her solitude.

Marlene has a knack for Disillusionment Charms, and uses this skill to stay out of Ravenclaw Tower far past curfew. The knocker to her tower is loud, of course, when she finally makes her way back, and she always runs the risk of getting stumped by the question and having to spend the night in the corridor, but she stops caring about things like that early in her seventh year.

 

"If I ever get married," Marlene says as they sit around waiting for her hair to dye, "you better be ready to be my maid of honor."

"Pfffft, please. I already have your bachelorette party planned. And ideas for a bridal shower. Really, you're the only one holding up the proceedings."

Marlene bursts into laughter and Lily quickly follows her, and it's several minutes before they're able to breathe normally again.

"Will you be my maid of honor if I find someone worth marrying?" Lily asks.

"Whether you want me to or not," Marlene says.

 

Time passes and the world gets darker, or maybe Marlene is just having a harder time seeing the light.

"I think my older sister is in danger," Marlene says as she opens the box of hair dye. She means it more passing, one of the topics to not linger on, but tears spring to her eyes as she says it.

"How so?" Lily asks, her voice quiet. 

"I don't know. She just hasn't written to me in a few weeks. She never goes that long." That is all she has to say, really. They both know about the war, they both know that Marlene's sister has been part of a resistance against Voldemort and his Death Eaters. There is nothing more that needs to be said, nothing more that really can be said, so Lily takes the box from Marlene's hands and sets it in the dry sink and pulls Marlene close and Marlene cries into her shoulder, and it's exactly what she didn't want to do, and exactly what she needed. Marlene gets a letter from her sister a few days later, and she talks to Lily about being silly, and they both shake their heads at that, because they know in these times, fears like that are never silly.

 

Marlene thinks she hears footsteps one evening as she sits in a windowsill on the sixth floor, but when she looks around, the corridor is just as deserted as when she chose it hours ago.

And then Sirius Black is there, walking up to her as she sits curled in the window's alcove, the cream colored scarf she is nearly finished knitting pooling around her legs. He leans against the edge of the alcove, and he is not wearing his robes, just jeans and a t-shirt. He does this a lot, she has learned, since she has spent more time around him and his friends since Lily started dating James.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Knitting a scarf," she says.

"And do you always knit scarves in random windows?"

"Sometimes I knit hats. Once I knit a blanket. And I'm considering attempting a sweater, but I would definitely have to do a gauge swatch for that, and I really hate those."

Sirius blinks, and then laughs, and Marlene can tell that he doesn't fully understand what she said, and that he is considering asking her, but instead he looks at her for a moment and smiles. "I'll let you keep knitting then," he says, and he gives her a small wave and walks away.

She watches him go, and smiles a little as she turns back to her knitting and watches the sun set behind the trees.

 

These days the girls talk of the war and what they plan to do when they leave Hogwarts, and they talk of their families. But they still share harmless gossip from their Houses, and talk about crushes, and hairstyles, and books they have read, because sometimes when the war feels too close, it is easier to talk of silly things and try to focus on the light parts of life, instead of the heavy ones that want to drag them away.

The world feels less broken when she watches the trees, or sits within them. It feels almost whole as she watches James and Lily and gets to know the group of Gryffindor boys. It feels almost whole when Remus makes a quiet joke and the others laugh, when Peter makes some observation that seems to change their entire plan and make it fit together, when the six of them are together and Sirius drops his haughty attitude for a while.

And sometimes when these things happen, she thinks of how it might all be destroyed, of how Voldemort is gaining power and nearly taking over the world, and these moments seem like little more than rabbits trying to hop across a chasm and she is sure they will lose it all and the world will fall into a darkness beyond repair, a darkness without this laughter, these smiles.

 

Marlene gets her last letter from Shannon in March, and in April she gets a letter from her parents. Shannon has been killed, they tell her, and there's not much left of the body. Things are busy at the Ministry, and they're having a hard time, and Shannon always hated being the center of attention, so they're not having a funeral. But they are going to bury her that weekend, and if Marlene wants to join them they'll work it out with Professor Flitwick for her to come home.

Shannon's death is in the Daily Prophet the next day, and it seems like every student in Hogwarts stares at her. And perhaps her forgotten corner of the library is not as forgotten as it seemed, as now Marlene hears students whispering in the shelves nearby. She chooses to believe they are looking for their own solitude, and not looking for her. After all, she still finds deserted corridors, and they stay that way after she has curled up by the window, and no one follows her into the grounds. But eyes flick to her in the hallways, and whispers surround her in the Great Hall, and everyone knows Marlene McKinnon's sister was murdered, but no one seems to feel the shockwaves moving through the world because of it.

Marlene leaves Hogwarts Friday after classes. She Floos from Flitwick's office to her parent's sitting room. She does  not see what is left of her sister's body. She does not want to. They bury her in their small town's cemetery on Saturday, and plenty of wildflowers grow in the area. Marlene, who is already seventeen, conjures a bunch of chrysanthemums, because they were always Shannon's favorites, and she conjures a bundle of tiny yellow and pale pink roses, because they were always her favorite. She lays both bundles on Shannon's grave, and she is sure now that the world is not broken. She is sure now that the world has shattered and will never be put together again, no matter who laughs or smiles, no matter if Voldemort and all his followers simply disappear.

Marlene returns to Hogwarts on Sunday, even though she could stay home longer if she wants. She finds a few more isolated areas to retreat to, and sometimes she brings Lily with her, and sometimes they talk, and sometimes they read, and sometimes they just cry, silent and together.

Sometimes Sirius Black stumbles across her, and sometimes he just gives her a smile and a nod, and sometimes he gives her chocolate from Honeydukes.

"I have it on good authority," he tells her, "that chocolate fixes everything." It is the stupidest thing she has ever heard, but she laughs and thanks him and eats the chocolate, and nothing is fixed, but for a short time the shattered pieces move a bit closer together.

A couple of times when he happens across her, Marlene invites Sirius to sit with her, and every time she invites him, he does. It turns out he is quite a good listener. It turns out he can tell a good story, when she asks him to tell her something silly. It turns out he is good at just sitting and watching the trees with her head on his shoulder, and it turns out that he must always carry chocolate in his pocket.

"He is nearly stupidly loyal," Lily tells Marlene of Sirius one day as the girls sit beneath the large birch tree. "And I maintain what I said last year about him being a bit of an ass, and I'd like to throw in impulsive and reckless. But he is also caring and kind to those close to him, and he loves fiercely."

"I think he can create chocolate out of thin air, the principle exception to Gamp's law be damned."

Lily laughs. "He does always seem to have some, doesn't he? I've seen him giving it to Remus when he's having a bad day, and sometimes to James if he asks nice enough, and quite often to Peter, too."

 

Marlene walks into Sirius and the other boys one night just before curfew in the Entrance Hall. James, Remus, and Peter all have arms full of food, but Sirius just has slightly lumpy pockets and a bottle of pumpkin juice.

"We had to restock the party," Peter tells her.

"You're welcome to join us, if you want to sneak into Gryffindor's common room," James says.

Marlene shakes her head, and tells them to have a good time, and when Sirius catches her eye she smiles a little and tilts her head to the grounds.

"I'll catch up with you guys," Sirius tells the others, and when she asks him, he follows her through the front doors. They wander to the lake and sit on a boulder at its edge, and from his pockets Sirius produces another bottle of pumpkin juice and a bar of chocolate and he offers them to her with a small flourish.

"Who is your authority?" she asks. "That chocolate fixes everything?"

"Peter," he says. "Second year, when Remus was having a particularly bad day, Peter pulled a giant box of chocolates that his mum had sent him out of his trunk. He carried some around with him for a while, but Peter hates having things in his pockets, says he's always scared they'll fall out and he'll lose them, so I took over and carry it instead."

They sit for long enough that Marlene realizes Sirius is slightly drunk, and a while later they sneak back into the castle and Sirius walks with her all the way to Ravenclaw Tower because "If the question stumps us both I'll sneak you into Gryffindor Tower and you can sleep on one of the couches, or make Lily share her bed."

 

When they graduate, Lily and Marlene rent a flat together. Peter goes to live with his parents, because his mother is terrified and wants to be able to see everyday that he is okay. James and Sirius and Remus get a flat. And sometimes it's the six of them, and sometimes it's just her and Lily, and sometimes it's somewhere in between.

Marlene looks around at all of them, and sometimes the world feels broken, and it always feels a bit shattered, and she is not convinced it can be fixed, but fuck it all if she isn't going to fight to try and change it.


End file.
